Dear Max,
I finally put my maternity clothes away, at least in the box and now waiting to go into the attic. Which will probably happen after I write this.
Putting them away was very difficult. I still have an ache in my heart and feel like crying, but the tears are not coming.
I had so many cute maternity clothes that I did not get a chance to wear this time around, I even bought 2 brand new really cute sweaters, I never got a chance to wear those as they arrived only days before I lost you.
I had plenty of excuse before now to not put them away, we were very busy with christmas activities and visiting family. However now your daddy has started back to work and your siblings have started back to school, so I have to move on and restart my life too. Life must go on even if I feel like I don’t want it to.
Hopefully the clothes won’t be up in the attic for too long, but that still gives me mixed emotions. Am I really ready? Am I going to be scared the entire next pregnancy? Am I prepared for this to happen again, to lose another child? Does the fact that I have questions mean that I am not really ready? I feel ready, in my heart I want to be pregnant again and I really want to hold another little baby in my arms. I guess I just have to keep praying and trust God’s will. What will be, will be. Or as your daddy likes to say, “It is what it is.”
I Love you Max!!!
Love always,
Mommy

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